🤍 Talk about your expectations. 

Maybe over a nice dinner, or go for a lovely long walk. 

What do you see are the "what if's" that worry you?

One conversation won't be enough by the way, create a regular check in habit with each other. 

NOT, however, impromptu after many glasses of wine. 

 

🤍 Are you just setting out together? Buying your first home together is a great first test! See this brilliant support guide 

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🤍 Ask your friends, parents or other family members how they manage their money. You'll soon see everyone's different & also that things change over the years. Flexibility is important.

You will both change.

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🤍 What do you both want out of life, what do you visualise having, being or doing in your future? 

And WHEN, what is your rough timeline?

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🤍 If you're feeling isolated & alone or your partner is simply on another plane of existence when it comes to money, do visit Mind, Citizens Advice or Relate

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🤍 If you're in an abusive relationship, financially or otherwise, you have got some wonderful lifelines starting with Surviving Economic Abuse

I want you to put your hand on your heart & breathe, you are going to figure this out & you will be fine. You will be a survivor. 

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🤍 If you need to laugh about relationships watch one of my favourite clips here.

It's Michael Macintyre's milk in the fridge scene, I love it!

Humour is a great medicine & lightens that awful feeling in your heart & stomach when things aren't going right.

And if you can be close to the edge over the "dishwasher zone" you can imagine the rage over the money zone!

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Can you find humour in your situation & go from there? 

🤍 These 5 tips are great conversation starters.

1. Getting Financially Naked 

Discuss debt. Do you have some? What do you think & feel about borrowing money for essentials? 

What is your relationship with money?

How much do you earn?

How much do you think you want to be earning in the next few years?

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If one of you is on much more than the other & you're happy your career & work situation is fair aside from the financials, will you club together & share the bounty equally?

If one of you thinks it's not fair to have to share - you might need to have a long think about your relationship. 

It's perfectly acceptable in my opinion to have your own pots but not so that one is loving life & the other is suffering, going without or their self-worth is taking a battering. 

How much do you want to save & what for?

Do you enjoy or want to explore investing?

Have you ever had a problem with gambling?

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2. How much of your financials will become shared? 

Will you both pay off one of your debts?

Are you now a team where you want to have some autonomy but have boundaries needing joint decisions?

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3. What really pisses you off about each others spending habits?

How can you overcome this, by either compromising or letting it go? 

Is it mildly irritating or an actual deal breaker?

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4. If you are going to have or already have children, what are your views on childcare? Will one of you be working full-time & maybe the other part-time?

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5. Are you combining money from previous house sales?

Post-divorce with various settlement sizes?

The sting of the divorce especially if it was expensive & acrimonious, can make setting up as a new couple really tough with old wounds not yet quite healed. 

Do you feel more comfortable having something in writing that states IF this doesn't go to plan, how you will split the money?