“I don’t want to keep feeling like this” she said.
“I just don’t know which way is up, I can’t even tell you what’s wrong because it’s all a mess. It’s all wrong”
Your Mindset Support
Charles Darwin is often paraphrased as saying “the strongest survive.”
He didn’t.
His real insight was far more compassionate and useful.
Darwin observed that:
- living things change over time
- they respond to their environment
- and those that adapt best to what’s actually happening around them are the ones that survive and carry on
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s not even about being clever (thank god for that).
It’s about being fit for the conditions you’re in. My cat, Fifi Minky Moo Le Stink has this down… if she fits, she sits.
Now… slide that gently into personal finance.
Most people are told money success comes from:
- being “good with numbers”
- having more discipline
- finding the perfect budgeting method or template
- having to earn a six figure income
- taking risks that scare you with a diverse investment portfolio
But Darwin would quietly clear his throat and say: “No no… it’s about adaptation.”
Adapting to life’s unpredictability
Life moves in unpredictable ways, despite the best of planning & intentions. It’s full of surprises, great ones, frustrating ones, challenging & sad ones. When you’re feeling stuck, financially it often boils down to the fact that your household ins and outs haven’t adapted to your changed environment. And certainly, not your changed emotions and priorities.
My invitation to you, is to consider letting your money into your heart so that you can better match it to your head. This will point you in the right direction. Let’s start gently here and think about how to reframe it:
- Nurture → relief, safety, “I can breathe again”
- Nourish → support, energy, “this actually feeds my life”
- Respect → boundaries, self-trust, “I stop leaking money and energy”
- Protect → resilience, future-proofing, “I won’t fall apart when life changes”
This isn’t always a one and done in an hour kind of situation. It can be, but it depends on your current emotional regulation and perspective.
Your beliefs might not align with nurturing your money. If you don’t believe in your ability, or that creating a feeling of love towards your money is a good thing, then you won’t behave in this way. You won’t do the things that proactively guide you to feeling safe, like you can breathe and sleep well.
There are so many wonderful podcasts that help you to explore this deep work on your emotions. My recommendation would be to start with Catherine Morgan.
I love listening to podcasts, especially alongside what I’m doing as the perfect compliment and knowledge booster. But oftentimes, we need someone to just help us. Generic guidance and advice is superb as a starting point but there does come a time where googling it just isn’t cutting it anymore.
I’ve written a longer piece on the subject of nurturing & nourishing money, you can read it here:
Practical Guidance For You
Here is where I suggest you start.
Get a lovely new notebook. I cannot help myself, I adore stationery don’t you? But any old notebook will do if it means you’ll procrastinate even further! Are you a journellor? Are you any good at reflecting? Because that’s where we’re going.
- Set a timer for 20 minutes.
- Write down your biggest financial question eg. “What if I became the kind of person, who had all their finances neatly lined up and working for me, so that I was in control, organised and not stressed out by it?”
- Now write a detailed version of you, 6 months from now, who is exactly this kind of person. In the present tense, describe your day. What are you wearing, what’s the weather like, where are you? What conversations are happening? What are you doing? How do you feel?
eg.
It’s 7am and I’ve woken up to a beautiful day, I can hear the birds singing through the open window as I dress in my white shorts and stripe shirt. Over coffee, I open my laptop to an email from the bank so I log in. I take a look at my accounts and move some money into my savings. My balance is looking really strong in all three of my regular accounts, so I double check pending payments and my spreadsheet to get a view. - When that timer goes off, you stop writing. Read through this day in the life. Go about your day.
- Read it again the next day and the next day. Keep reading it each day for a week. Longer if you’d like.
- What ideas pop up for you, of things that you can do differently? Write those down too. Let them marinade. Keep adding to this list and keep reading about this day, what else comes up for you?
- What support, guidance would be perfect for you? Podcasts, eGuides, one to one mentoring?
Neuroscience
This type of exercise is scientifically backed up. The short story is, it activates your prefrontal cortex which is the planning and problem solving centre of your brain. It also primes your reticular activating system, so that your brain looks for ways to show you what you want to see. Like deciding you’d love a Fiat 500 and then you see them EVERYWHERE!
Of course you might want to do a giant vent first if you’re feeling particularly fired up! Get it all out onto paper. Out of your busy brain. If it’s a serious, cuss laden vent, it’ll do you the power of good, read it aloud, shout and cry if you want to. Then rip it up, throw it away. You are going to learn new skills, evolve your beliefs and move forwards.
I did this exercise three days ago. Out of nowhere I suddenly thought that I could work with financial advisors, mortgage brokers to support their clients who needed to get their foundations in a great place.
I’m not kidding you, within 48 hours, a new Linkedin connection commented on my post and sent me a voice note to have a conversation about supporting each others clients.
T H I S – S T U F F – W O R K S
Which is why I built it into both my mentoring offers.
The Foundation Session
Is a one hour set up, ideal if you’ve got stuff in place already but could use a sounding board, reassurance and a fresh new budgeting plan.
The Fairy Godmother Experience
Is a 3 session container where you’re guided more intensely through your past, present and future you, blending your mindset with a proper practical set up. I’m holding onto you as you learn to cycle, then you can wobble a bit, I’ll come back to steady you and then let go when you’re ready.
If you’re ready to explore these options my wand will carry you there… 🪄
The Foundation Session
A calm, clarifying session designed to offer you grounding, guidance and an exhale 😮💨 We’ll review priorities, and you’ll leave with a bespoke plan that fits
You can email me: info@budgetingandplanning.co.uk with your questions.
You can and you will get unstuck. Self love includes your health & your wealth and you absolutely do deserve it.
Lucy x
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