Why Budgeting Alone Isn’t Enough & Other Stories
Thrilled to be asked to guest speak on Investing Insiders Podcast, I’ll confess that I was a bit nervous. Investing is not my forte; I’m not without knowledge but it’s nowhere near podcast levels. But that’s not why they wanted me.
Brean Horne is a wonderful finance writer and the host of this epic podcast. We had planned around 10 questions and then we got carried away, on a tangent, like the best conversations do!
Budgeting, planning, having a direction or vision (goals), learning how to make the numbers work in real life, and improving one’s relationship with money is the starting point to a life that feels financially rich – even if the numbers suggest a slightly different reality. After all, what really is “enough”?
I don’t think there’s enough oomph in this area!
The basics, fundamental money training is often glossed over, which is why I love it so much and why I work in this space. And how, via a bit of fun whilst networking, I became The Fairy Godmother Of Household Finances. It was either that or Nanny McPhee 🤓 need and want etc…
This will whisk you away to where I’ve created a thoughtful self assessment, to help you refine where you think you stand, and what your next steps could be. You’ll get a lovely summary, plus a deeper version to your email inbox should you wish it.
budgetingandplanning.co.uk/mentoring/the-foundation-session/#financial-map-assessment
This podcast was a joy to be part of so I want to wholeheartedly thank Brean Horne of Investing Insiders UK for inviting me on. And because it’s a 45 min edition I wanted to summarise my 5 favourite points below.
If this whets your whistle then you can head over to my Substack to read the longer version & feel free to download the podcast & give it a lovely ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ rating.
My 5 Q&A’s to share out of the 12
Q: What reasons make people feel they can’t talk about money as they get older?
The teenage years can change everything you’ve known thus far. When my parents divorced in the late 80’s this was quite unusual back then. I had to use lunch tokens at school and the mean girls loved that! That stigma can attach itself to you, because the meaning of money shifts with every season of your life. And teens can see you used to be dropped off at school in a posh car, but now you’ve got lunch tokens. That’s juicy gossip and they’re not letting that go!
Then university debt can layer on top until your first proper job arrives and suddenly a bank is offering you what feels like free money! Overdrafts and credit cards don’t come with training on how to use them. And unless you really know what you’re doing, £1,000 spent on bits & pieces becomes £1,200, becomes £1,500, and you can find yourself in an ever-decreasing circle if you’re not careful.
Money can become the enemy. When your young adult brain realises that you work really hard but you still can’t have the instagram lifestyle you dream of, a bit of resentment can kick in. Without the emotional intelligence learned by experience, this is an age where your habits set the tone for the next decade.
Getting older can exacerbate the thought pattern of being disappointed that you haven’t achieved things. Or you haven’t got The House of your dreams. Or you did have the things for a while, but circumstances changed everything you knew, so you’re now living smaller. You can feel like you’re failing when your expectations don’t match your reality.
Comparisonitis is often still there. Feeling grief for a life that has passed you by that hasn’t worked out as you thought. This stuff makes it hard to talk about money because it intertwines with feelings of self worth. When your pride takes a fall, life gets questioned.
Q: How do people take that real step to make a change rather than just putting a plaster over it?
It’s often down to a big identity shift that can happen around a milestone birthday, approaching 30, 40 or 50 when you want to become a version of yourself that has things a bit more together. When you’ve been kicking problems down the road, at some point they meet you around every corner and it starts to feel heavier. That’s when shame and guilt can kick in, the “I should have dealt with this sooner” feeling.
But we’ve all done it. I wanted to go on holiday with friends in my 20s, didn’t have the savings, put it on a credit card. It’s part of learning, usually the hard way!
I think for many of us, if the learning doesn’t translate into new actions and new ways of doing things, we keep doing the same things, aka the definition of madness. Or, we find ourselves trapped in a lifestyle we really wanted but can’t afford anymore.
It takes a lot of courage to make a change.
Having to say no to things. Downsizing your home & changing new cars for second hand when it feels like all around you, the trajectory is only upwards feels like you’re driving the wrong way down a one way street.
If your identity around money no longer fits who you are, or who you want to become, you can change this. If you want to be the kind of person who has a comfortable home and no debts, who feels in control and steady with money every day then that’s an identity shift. When you see yourself as this person, you’ll create better habits, routines, and make different decisions. Then you’ll become that version of you.
It’s like looking at a slender, strong, and healthy body shape and wanting so badly to look that way. You have to become the person who does the things, that make them look like that. That’s an identity shift.
Q: How do you separate where you are financially from the shame and judgment around it?
Language matters enormously, and there’s neuroscience behind this.
When you say “I’m in debt” this feels very different from, “I have some debt”
This reframe keeps your identity intact. The real challenge is bridging the gap between knowing and doing and that gap can feel impossible. I always compare it to getting on the scales when you’ve been avoiding it. You look down and can see even through a half glance you’re heavier than you thought. You exclaim “Right, that’s it! I’ll clear out all the naughty food” so you eat it all to get rid of it before Monday. By Thursday you’re giving in to the cravings for more.
Because you haven’t bridged that emotional gap. The “just do it, ” the just eat less & move more is certainly logical, but it’s largely useless here because your limbic system can veto your prefrontal cortex’s good intentions.
When there’s a real emotional charge, telling someone to “do a budget” will layer on pressure. This often results in inaction because it feels too huge a step to take. Or with an all or nothing approach, someone going all out for a few unsustainable weeks will revert to normal behaviour before too long.
Q: For someone new to budgeting, what is the first step to getting a system that works?
The word “budget” makes people recoil doesn’t it?! They think financial diet & deprivation. It’s not that at all!
Think of it like filling in a diary at the start of the year. Whose birthday is when? When’s the holiday? What’s coming up? Budgeting & Planning is just the same principle applied to money. Here’s our life, now let’s make the money fit the picture.
The first step isn’t letting the numbers tell you what you can do.
It’s deciding what you want to do and making the numbers work backwards from there. When you know you’re saving for a really wonderful family holiday, you stop wandering into a shop and coming out £50 lighter on things you’ve already forgotten you bought.
Every single thing you buy needs to matter, otherwise you’re just taking money away from things you said you wanted. You’re depriving yourself.
Likewise if you’re dreaming of things, of a life that isn’t attainable on the income you have, then something’s gotta give. Choosing lifestyle (or any) goals has to be achievable or you’re setting yourself up to fail.
Q: What are the alarm bells around using credit as a default strategy?
Credit isn’t the enemy, chaos is.
The not knowing, the not using it intentionally or strategically. Used well, credit is a brilliant ally. But “let’s bung it on the card” is never a spending strategy.
I worked with someone who permanently carried about £3,000 on her credit card. It bubbled up and down but always settled back there. She’d accepted it as her normal. Then we got the calculator out and looked at what her “bargain” sale purchases had actually cost her with interest added over time….
That said, spontaneity is one of many sparks of joy in life! We can’t plan everything nor should we.
If a friend rings about getting tickets to your favourite band, and it’s not in the budget, use your credit card if you’ve no savings, go, enjoy it!
Just fit it into your budget retrospectively and pay it back. You’ve still got to live!
Which is why having a savings pot for such things going forward is a gorgeous idea.
So if money isn’t the goal, what is?
Lucy prior
The goal is life: to have a good one.
We’re only here for a short while. Make the most of it!
Money is just the tool you use to shape that life.
Or as my granddad used to say “It’s all an experience”.
Are you shaping your own good life?
Until next time
Lucy x
ps. As many of us thrive in a community based on a particular theme, I’m looking to figure out the appetite for creating a Substack Kitchen Table Money Club. A low cost community with just the right amount of support, resources and training to make it a lovely place to belong.
Not too much that you feel like you’re missing things & feeling worse still! But just enough that you can pop in, download a guide, a toolkit, take part in some chats & get your questions answered. If this sounds like a good idea, can you pop an emoji or a comment below, so I can guage interest?
Thank you x
0 Comments